Being a woman 002: Let’s talk about attraction



Honey! I’m I beautiful.

I’m I really?


Honey, do you think I’m sexy.


If you don’t say YES it means I’m not sexy…right?






Okay…”I also don’t want to look sexy for you anyway”.


This is me and this is a bunch of other women seeking approval for the way we look. Apologizing to people for wanting to look a certain way or explaining why our hair has to be a certain way. We think to be attractive we have to be beautiful, to be attractive we have to be sexy and borrow from different cosmetic types to define this beauty that we think is attractive.

I am drawn to lipsticks of several shades, I am drawn to earrings of different shapes, I am drawn to bracelets and watches that meet my fancy and I am drawn to various fashion trends that come and go.

I am atypical woman because I also believe that a little bit of makeup goes a long way. I believe that a little bit of lipstick enhances my look and if I add earrings, things start to pop and by the time I wear my clothes everything just complements each other.


I am as well guilty of objectifying myself daily, I do it in the mirror consciously or subconsciously and when I get to a place before everyone I first visit the ladies room to see if everything is in place.

I have been taught this, since I was young. My mother was so keen in encouraging me to use powder and experiment with different shades of eye shadows because a woman has to look her best at all times.

But the older I get, I hate this woman, I don’t want to be her. I don’t want to be the woman who is an object of attraction. The one whose beauty begins and ends in her makeup brush and purchased products that improve her beauty. I want to be a subject of attraction, something to be discussed and not to be ogled at.

I want to get a suitor whose parents are going to ask, what does she have and not who are parents are, or whether I have been brought up in the best manner or not. Men have been given this liberty.

venus williams

Liberty to be judged by what they bring to the table and not how handsome they are, liberty to be loved by the power they have in society and not how their bodies are shaped, liberty to chose from all the beautiful women in the world irrespective of their facial features because society has lifted judgment off their physical features.

Men are as attractive as the amount of money they earn, the cars they drive, the houses they own, the businesses they have and the power they have in society.

That is what I want for me and a couple of women out there and on some days I seat in front of my mirror and before applying anything to my face, I ask myself what kind of picture I’m I creating for the people who will see me, is it all about objective attraction or subjective attraction?

I have not fully achieved my goal of being a subject of attraction and trying to fight several years of learning to be an object of attraction, I find it hard to unlearn.

That is why some days I am confused and some days I am in between and on other days I happen to achieve being only a subject of attraction and nothing more.

But the struggle is real.

#Being a woman.

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