To the girl in the sex tape

by

I may not understand why you taped yourself but it was so wrong of us to make fun of you in the most intimate act of your private life, the most vulnerable and sensitive time no one had any business judging or watching. But nevertheless, perhaps nobody told you that for women having sex is a crime. The world can forgive a man for 100 infidelities but won’t forgive a woman for one.

From the time we are young our parents parade strange warnings in front of us, their warnings traumatize our little ears. They make our brains freeze for years. But even with this advice somehow at 16 years old, a girl happens to have sex while still in school and the consequences are far worse(that used to be the sex tape of my years played out live) . A bulging stomach, with a strange thing stretching within your body, hormonal change and perforated esteem coupled with a group of teenagers and probably class teachers making fun of you.

pregnant

An example of failure you become and in some schools you are expelled pronto, like a leper. You in most cases have no one to turn to for moral support, suicidal becomes the new identity of your emotional life and before you get a grip on that, a child is born who becomes one of you and part of you.

child

That is the demise of a woman having sex at the wrong time and on a sex tape. We have built a critical society that is so blind to the emotional struggles going on within the victim of the sex scandal. Year in, year out our society is evolving into a more critical one. We crucify women for having sex and it is becoming a global trend. It’s a yardstick on to which we judge their capability to perform at work.

Having sex in public doesn’t in anyway correlate with how well a woman will handle her work. But the society we live in (have created) is the kind that allows men to have several sexual partners but excludes women from work who have sex tapes.

The worst case of all since the sex tape mania, the media doesn’t give a hoot about the men that have sex with the woman. It only happened in the strange case of Robina Sanyu Mweruka. But in previous cases the headlines jumped out,

Nasta (Anastasia Mukyala) the girl in the sex tape, The UCU sex tape actress. The UCU sextape actress’s mother has passed on. Seriously!! Why not the father? Then it moved on to Desire and now its Mweruka.

breaking news

No one gives a care about the men, it’s like they don’t matter. In a man’s world sex is a normal thing whether on a tape or in real life. When a man commits adultery, it’s all about the woman he did it with. Even when he cheats on his girlfriend it’s still about the woman he cheated with.

And we the women, jump out in judgment, name calling, that prostitute, that adulteress, that slut, that woman and the most un classy one, that gold digger…it may interest you to know that all those archetypes represent a woman with a name and family that cares and loves them regardless of what mistakes they make.

This should be the time for us to stand up and support our sisters by not re-sharing the sex tapes on whatsapp and facebook and which ever platform is available. For us women sex is an intimate thing and I wouldn’t want to share myself intimately and worry about getting an orgasm at the same time a hidden camera.

I don’t want to have sex with someone and get scared they could jeopardize my career because apparently having sex for us as women is a first class ticket to unemployment. If you don’t believe me, read on and see what 24 year old Monica Lewinsky’s decision did to 40 year old Monica Lewinsky.

In 1998, when news of my affair with Bill Clinton broke, I was arguably the most humiliated person in the world. Thanks to the Drudge Report, I was also possibly the first person whose global humiliation was driven by the Internet.

1998-clinton-lewinksy-scandal

That fateful day, I got a call—from the doorman of the apartment building where I was staying. They’ve appeared: the paparazzi, like swallows, are on the sidewalk outside, pacing and circling and pacing some more. “My heart sinks. I know what this means. Whatever day I’ve planned has been jettisoned. To leave the house—and risk a photo—only ensures that the story will stay alive” said Monica In Vanity fair Magazine.

She mustered up courage and tried public appearances. She tried being reclusive. She tried leaving the country, and she tried finding a job. But the epic humiliation of 1998, had changed the course of her stars even after 10 years of self-imposed reticence the situation is still the same.

For several years she tried her hand in the fashion-accessory business and became involved in various media projects, including the HBO documentary. Then she lay low for the most part. (The last major interview I granted was 10 years ago.) After all, not lying low had exposed her to criticism for trying to “capitalize” on her “notoriety.”

“Apparently, others talking about me is O.K.; me speaking out for myself is not” she said. I turned down offers that would have earned me more than $10 million, because they didn’t feel like the right thing to do. Over time, the media circus quieted down, but it never quite moved on, even as I attempted to move on.

mother

Meanwhile, I watched my friends’ lives move forward. Marriages. Kids. Degrees. (Second marriages. More kids. More degrees.) I decided to turn over a new leaf and attend grad school.

After grad school I moved between London, Los Angeles, New York, and Portland, Oregon, interviewing for a variety of jobs that fell under the umbrella of “creative communication” and “branding,” with an emphasis on charity campaigns. Yet, because of what potential employers so tactfully referred to as my “history,” I was never “quite right” for the position.

In some cases, I was right for all the wrong reasons, as in “Of course, your job would require you to attend our events.” And, of course, these would be events at which press would be in attendance.

In one promising job interview that took place during the run-up to the 2008 primary season, the conversation took an interesting turn. “So here’s the thing, Monica,” the interviewer said.

bright

“You’re clearly a bright young woman and affable, but for us—and probably any other organization that relies on grants and other government funding—it’s risky. We would first need a Letter of Indemnification from the Clintons. After all, there is a 25 percent chance that Mrs. Clinton will be the next president.” I gave a fake smile and said, “I understand.”

Another job interview, this one typical: walked into the stark, terminally cool reception area of a hip-yet-prestigious advertising agency in Los Angeles, my hometown. As always, I put on my best “I’m friendly, not a diva” smile. “Hi. Monica Lewinsky here to see So-and-So.”

The twenty something receptionist pushed her black-rimmed hipster frames up her nose. “Monica who?”

Before I could answer, another twenty something, in skinny jeans, plaid shirt, and bow tie, rushed over and interrupted: “ Ms. Lewinsky.” Like a maître d’, he continued, “Pleasure to have you here. I’ll let So-and-So know you’ve arrived. Soy latte? Green tea? Filtered water?”

I found myself sitting at a small round table, face-to-face with So-and-So, the agency’s head of strategy and planning. We talked. She kept wincing. This was not going well. I tried to keep myself from getting flustered. Now she was not only wincing but also clearing her throat. Was that perspiration on her brow? It hit me: she was nervous, in full-tic mode.

interview

I’ve had to become adept at handling any number of reactions in social situations and job interviews. I get it: it must be disconcerting to sit across from “That Woman.” Needless to say, I didn’t get the position.

I eventually came to realize that traditional employment might not be an option for me. I’ve managed to get by (barely, at times) with my own projects, usually with start-ups that I have participated in, or with loans from friends and family.

In another job interview I was asked, “If you were a brand, which brand would you be?” Let me tell you, when you’re Monica Lewinsky, that is one loaded question.

After all, my public humiliation had been the result of my involvement with a world-renowned public figure—that is, a consequence of my own poor choices.

Not a day goes by when a man doesn’t want to date me for all the wrong reasons and for 16 years, I have made sure I hold out on them until they walk away.

It’s just so frustrating how people can take what would have been a private, intimate and vulnerable moment of your life and use it as a basis onto which they can judge the entire aspects of your life.

That said, I really want to say I sympathize with you and I hope Monica’s experience will help you understand what just one sex scandal can do to a young girl’s career or a woman’s career.

Love

N.sarah

No tags 0 Comments

No Comments Yet.

What do you think?

Your email address will not be published.

Read previous post:
The saddest thing about unemployment

Is that nobody tells you, you’re going to get depressed at one point, nobody tells you, you’re going to feel...

Close