The saddest thing about unemployment

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Is that nobody tells you, you’re going to get depressed at one point, nobody tells you, you’re going to feel lonely, nobody tells you, you’re going to doubt yourself, doubt your skill set and sometimes even get suicidal.

Nobody prepares you for this transition, from an active school life to a dormant job hunting season. That is some drastic psychological change and trust me active to dormant is quite a tough time psychologically but very few people will believe you need psychological help.

depression

All you’ll get will be kicks in the gut for being a lazy chap who doesn’t want to do anything in life. Comments filled with contempt will be shot down at you like an arsenal being updated every minute. Comparisons to so and so’s son who just bought a car, married a wife and bought his own house within one or two years.

Trust me!! I know this feeling. I quit my job at 25 years, at the time my sister was in the process of buying land and she later did the following month and proceeded to build a house. I was a failure. There was no better comparison of who I was in everyone’s mind…a failure.

All I wanted to hear from everyone was, Sarah, I love you. You have an incredible mind, one that you need to show to the world. From my mother i wanted to hear, Sarah when I first laid my eyes on you, I told myself I have brought a champion into the world. I know one day you’ll become a very successful woman. All you need is time.

But this is what I was told, you are useless! With your attitude you’ll never amount to anything!! Nobody will ever want to help you as a writer!! That is not even a career unless you work in main stream print media. I was psychologically and emotionally stripped.

Wounded in every sense and emotionally and psychologically grampling onto the only thing that my soul still felt…my heart beat. One or two of my relatives present newspaper adverts of job openings in front of me.

jobs

How in heaven did they, expect me, to move psychologically away from you’re not good enough, you’re not trying enough, you are useless, you can never be successful to I can apply for this job. I believe I can make it and I will. Am an over comer, a young achiever…this job was meant for me. I have a great mind that is ready to be put to work and I can conquer the world through sharing myself in beautiful ways. How was I supposed to make a rapid change to that?

But then blindly some of you apply for the job and when an interviewer who has no idea about what you’ve been going through emotionally, asks, why haven’t you been working for the past three years? How is that even possible? You must be lazy!! You collapse inside and totally shut down and that will be just yet another failed interview. Then the routine will repeat itself and you’ll give up on the entire corporate work system.

Convincing yourself it was not made for you. You get yourself into a syndicate of businesses which are held together on a straw. One stupid move and they all come tumbling down. Then you start wondering where your life went wrong? Why everything you touch falls apart?

chapati

But the actual why, is the emotional one. The one your primary school rhyme made irrelevant yet in real life, it is much more alive than you ever thought. Joyfully you sung along, “sticks and stones can break my bones but words won’t break me”. But here you are probably at 30 and the only thing still affecting your growth and success are the words that bent your emotional growth.

The words that wounded your self belief  but still you have no idea why at 30 you just can’t seem to ace any job interviews or business ideas. You somehow forgot that the words piled up and broke you down emotionally and made there way to your belief system (mind). You are a 30 year old experience of hopelessness, self hate, limiting beliefs and all you can give to the world is a defeated mindset.

What is the saddest thing you didn’t know about unemployment? Share with me in the comments below.

Love

N.sarah

 

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