The slut, the feminist and the spinster you make the perfect woman

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When I was 3 years old, I used to tell my mother, when I grow up I want to become a woman. Give birth to my children, cook for them and live in my own house.

But what my mother didn’t tell me is that womanhood came with a price and I have hated paying that price with age.

When I was 12, I woke up on 11th Jan 2001 with a huge blood stain in my polka dot knickers. I went to the bathroom to access the situation and blood was still flowing out of me.

first-menstruation

I screamed out and my mother came through the bathroom door to find out what had happened to me. I told her one of my internal organs had ruptured; I need surgery and immediate blood transfusion.

I cried ambulance, mummy I need surgery now!! She looked at me and said, baby it’s your first period you have become a woman! I was puzzled since I fancied myself as the smart one after watching several episodes of Dexter’s laboratory.

Anyway one week later small mounds started breaking out on my chest, sometimes they would stay for three days and disappear. Sometimes they would stay for a week only to disappear another week.

But one particular week they had painfully broken out and my left breast was extremely painful I wanted to put it in a band aid but my mother wouldn’t let me.

pubertybreasts7

In that particular week I was sent to the market to buy some groceries with my sister and this almost 15 year old boy saw me coming through. He looked at my chest and I saw a small smile forming around his big lips. As we got closer I felt his hand squeeze my left breast, I turned around screaming in pain and punched him in the face with my very girlie fist.

That was the first time I was called a slut. That young man used several words to insult me but the most biting was slut. I hated it that he had called me that. I wasn’t a slut; I was still a virgin…untouched.

But there I was, encountering this archetype they created for women at 12 and no one turned around to condemn that boy for what he had done. Everybody just looked on as I got labeled.

When I was 16 I pierced my ears and fancied wearing earrings in all 6 holes, from where I was standing I looked good. Only to find out from the growling women I walked by that I was a slut.

When I joined mainstream media without any qualification in the field, I left many people wondering how I had gotten the job. The bold ones came forward to ask me how I had done it and I took them through the entire process.

slut

But after genuinely pouring it out some doubted me and candidly asked if I hadn’t slept with the boss to get where I was. That just solidified to me how people perceive things when it came to an un qualified woman getting a job with no strings attached.

I feel like half the time I have to defend myself against these labels but it’s so hard to keep doing that because as you grow older there are more labels created.

Lately I have slowly graduated from slut to feminist. My mother always told me to never expect anyone to provide for me things that I know I can provide for myself.

Dependence makes for a bad relationship she says, independence brings forth true love and that is only felt when you don’t need anything from each other except for love and companionship.

But apparently Ugandan men presume that if a woman works and pays her bills she qualifies to be a feminist. Sometimes I laugh when I hear some of these silly arguments because clearly they have lost the true meaning of the word feminist.

feminist

Feminist is a person who fights for the equality of all sexes. It has nothing to do with hating men or all those stupid labels the term has acquired.

A man as a woman is equally a feminist when he defends his need for several sexual partners. The same goes for a woman who defends the rights of other women and their sexuality or wellbeing. It has nothing to do with hate, segregation or demeaning the other sexes.

I have dreams and things I want to achieve before I die and just like my mother I feel like I have the power to bring them into reality. I have the power to represent them, defend them, nurture them and wad off all forms of distractions to bring them into fruition.

And if that is feministic then that’s what I aspire to, I aspire to be an equal and a relevant equal in a world of male domination.

Wait a minute! Won’t this scare off men and turn me into a spinster!! Oh yeah, it sure will. 3 years from now if am not yet married, am going to be labeled a spinster, a woman without a husband.

spins

And a man who will equally be as old as I will be (30 years) will be a celebrated bachelor with several sexual partners including those who are way younger than him. If at all I also pursue my sexuality and get several sexual partners including those who are younger than me I will be called a cougar, a slut and a sugar mummy but a man at 30 can’t qualify to be called sugar daddy.

From 12 to 27 years of age I have been labeled a slut, a feminist and I’m anticipating new names basing on the situation I will be in, like spinster, old hag and probably sugar mummy.

Anyway I have come to terms with the labels since every 8th March, I am reminded that I am only a woman. Celebrated for being a woman, my strength and undying love is celebrated.

My tenacity and persistence during child labour is celebrated…on this day I am stronger than men. On this day men see me beyond their equal; they see me as the giver of life and at the same time the taker of life.

On this day I am more proud of myself as a woman and it’s the only day I forget the labels. It’s the only day, the slut, the feminist, the spinster, the sugar mummy and the prostitute die and I am only a woman…the perfect woman.

Happy women’s day my fellow ladies and enjoy being a woman because that is who you are.

Love

N.sarah

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