In a world where over-achievers and performer are being worshiped, self help and how to dos and get better pod casts, vlogs and blogs are present, it’s so hard not to get caught up in the web of performance addiction.Performance addiction is a very tragic addiction and it’s often fueled by the people who lead us and those we look up to.
This feeling is very ugly and it will leave you feeling desperate, depressed and very lonely because you’ll be desiring what other people have achieved, how far they have gone and you’ll even sometimes try to tread their path to mimic what they did to get where they are.
Most success minded people consider it a short cut but in this journey of success, even short cuts lead to dead ends sometimes.
When I left University I thought I had it figured out pretty well, had a road map on how to take my writing on the next level, followed through with it and consulted my beautiful mentor who guided me on how to achieve it.
My life was set up for success too fast, most of my friends wondered how I had done it. It was very good, felt so good I had finally reached the peak of my goals and gave up on everything I cared about just to focus on my performance since my bar was set too high.
I wanted to be this and that within two years and when the first year was pretty much done I realized I hadn’t done enough. I pushed myself so hard, slept for 4hours and spent more time working out so hard to help my brain concentrate and increase the vitality in my body, so it couldn’t collapse.
Whenever my story was trashed I felt like I had failed myself, my plan and entire life, all which depended on me. I lost my joy and soon or later my writing became mechanical…all for the money and not the soul, to touch others, make a difference and improve someone’s life.
To most people I was considered focused, knew my purpose. I remember one time the editor dropped my Mukula story because I hadn’t asked him for permission to write about his time in prison. When he informed me about the why, I immediately rushed to court just to ask for Mukula’s permission to publish the story without stopping for a minute to reflect on what he was going through emotionally.
Although he let me run his story, he was going through some dark times but all i cared about was the money. There were times when I could hardly recognize the person I saw in the mirror and yet I defended it by saying I was being professional. There came a time when I deeply missed myself, my friends and my family. I literally never saw anyone even the ones who lived with me, didn’t have a chance to talk to me because I was so busy thinking up a new story idea.
I struggled so much to fulfill these expectations I had put up for myself until one day I received the sweetest advice in form of a text from my friend Zani Elvis. He told me Sarah, I believe in you; I can see your dreams are too big and too good and you can achieve all of them… all you need is time.
That piece of advice was great in fact it still smells and tastes sweet to me. Every time I try to rush myself, push harder and get desperate in between, I whisper to myself…Sarah, all you need is time.
I have come to realized that some times you just have to let it breathe, learn how to fail and accept things the way they are, don’t set the bar too high; follow the bar as it rises. Vincent van Gogh became famous after he had died. His death didn’t take away the immortality of his art.
Work within you’re limits, love your body, mind and soul and give them enough time to play, relax because before you were born the world was doing pretty well without you. If you were meant to make a massive dent in the world, it will be left even when you’re long gone because purpose and destiny can never be hidden for so long.
Just find satisfaction in the idea of life in because even the day you spend doing nothing on this planet makes a difference in the life of the person that gave birth to you, it makes a difference in your spouse’s life, your child’s life and your friends life. It gives them peace of mind and satisfaction to know that you are alive and well.
Learn how to love you, how to have true joy, be genuinely happy for others because that’s what you were created for…to enjoy the human experience.
Love
N.sarah
