blogging gave me a chance to dream again

by

When I quit my Job as writer/reporter at the Independent Magazine, I spent months of self loathing beating myself up on why I had to quit.

I continuously rehearsed the famous quote of winners never quit and quitters never win. It made me feel like a complete loser, I had given up on writing, a dream I spent 18 years of my life trying to achieve.

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It was a huge blow for me mentally and emotionally, how could I allow someone’s words determine how I felt.

It just didn’t make sense to me either but I was emotionally damaged I couldn’t hold onto the job anymore.

Even if I hadn’t quit, I think they would have eventually fired me given my emotional state at the time.

The editor had spent months telling me you can’t write this type of story, you can’t write the other story or this story and I just reached a point in my career where I knew I wasn’t growing anymore.

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I was not creative anymore and I wasn’t free to take a story in which ever direction I wanted to because I was self conscious. It was a very crippling time for me.

I wondered daily on no end what I would do with myself because writing wasn’t a job to me. It was a dream come true and it hurt so bad that it had just lasted 9 months only.

I cried so hard for months and friends suggested blogging would do me good but I didn’t trust myself.

Even after several months of emotional cleansing I was still scared of writing anything that would be read by anyone not even the public because I feared that their criticism would tear me apart again like a hungry bear.

I instead decided to convince my mind that practicing Environmental law would be good for me; it would give me a clear sense of validation.

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But their came days where I couldn’t control the urge of writing (messing around with words) and if I didn’t write anything, the pain would be too much for me to bare so I would just write anyway.

After a few months of confusion, my friend Ronnie Sekandi, called me up and asked me to join him in Western Uganda to write for the Action Aid project he had got a contract to do.

Just because I was scared, I gave Sekandi crazy ultimatums, I write only if you let me write in any style I want and it is not to be changed by any Editor. If anything gets changed I will quit on you, I said.

Sekandi agreed to all my crazy whims and when I got down to writing it was a labour of love. When the book was published I knew I couldn’t wait any longer because the deaf without limits booklet had also taken away my limits and on Feb 4th I started my journey as a Ugandan blogger.

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Blogging has brought me a lot of beautiful things, I have gotten a number of writing gigs through my blog, met a lot of people who have impacted my life and made friends with amazing people of whom some call me madam.

All I can say to any “wanna be writer” out there is, “if someone tells you, you can’t write, try out blogging and seek a second opinion”.

So far for me the second opinion hasn’t been bad. Blogging has given me a second chance at dreaming. I am a writer and no one can take that away from me even if they tried.

Love

N.sarah

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