At 18 I would have sworn to the world my dream was to become a world renowned actress, the likes of Angelina Jolie. I was certain!! Every step of the way was crystal. I had an English acting coach Phillip Wallace and all the hours of rehearsals I put in, I swear to you I was certain.
I joined several acting groups did a couple of productions and at 19 my mother bought me a new NEC phone. It had two cameras and great music. I went through the selection until I reached Obie Trice’s Snitch, I didn’t sleep that night. And that morning a wannabe rapper was born.
As a lover of poetry I spent hours trying to interpret the poetry in that hiphop number and in the morning I announced to everybody I wanted to become a rapper.
I found solace in Lil Kim’s Put your lighters up and truly everybody knew I would become the Nicki Minaj of my day. I took part in hiphop competitions and for a first timer the judges said my flows where tight and the skill was there. I dreamt on for a while and I am still a huge fan and lyricist but when I got more than enough money to hit studio my love for script writing was greater than my love for hiphop.
Gradually the fire went out of my lyricism. I studied script writing for children’s theatre and adult theatre, writing and illustrating children’s books. And after a year of practice and hard work that is when I realized I was a writer. All my passions revolved around me writing.
Hiphop required I did my fair share of poetry and vocabulary, script writing was about me writing creatively and illustrating children’s books required me to interpret my work in picture form same thing with acting. It was so hard for me to realize this but I finally did.
Watching my little niece now struggle with finding what and who she wants to become reminds me so much of my own journey. When she was 3 years old she wanted to become a cow when she grows up, huh funny!!! And now at 5 years old she wants to become a house girl because their maid gets to cook and serve them food.
Right now I do have the wisdom to understand what Maika wants to be, she wants to be in positions of power she wants to control things but as young as she is her mother is scared of her career choices. Of course I find them funny but most parents worry and most people worry when their lives have not yet been defined.
It’s a confusing time for anyone in that position and the less critiques and judges you have around you during this time of transition the better. The world could use your imagination at some level when you are certain enough but for now all you need is self discovery.
Self love and affirmation, self forgiveness as you go forward because the journey is tough and hard to stick to. For sure I can say to you right now I love blogging but I don’t know what I will be thrilled about next year and that doesn’t make me a failure I just know I get better with age.
You might be certain that Engineering is the path you want to take but after four years at the job your mind and soul will start desiring more out of life. That’s ok! Drop it and find something exciting. That is why seasons change; they do so as an indicator that life is not static.
No one will laugh at you and if they did they would be fools because have you ever seen anyone laughing at the clouds for failure to produce rain. With this truth I believe you see how illogical and foolish it is for anyone to laugh at your failures or lack of certainty.
Life is filled up with the presence of the God of uncertainty and that God is out to catch all of us. Who knows whether two months from now my dreams will be different? Clearly I don’t care about what will be thrilling me next; all am out here for is the experience of life and its uncertainties’.
I actually never thought I would leave the Independent Magazine before I made a year because my plan was to spend three years there before I moved into script writing and film production. But here I am blogging my heart out every day and sometimes you like what I have to say, some days you don’t but who cares.
We all don’t know what will happen tomorrow and that is the fact. I quit trying to predict it and enjoy the changes life brings to my goals and dreams. That way I am able to adjust my plans around what life brings me than me becoming a casualty to life’s uncertainties’.
This new discovery has made me the happiest person in the world because when life sends me a message through delays in accomplishing my goals or dreams I smile on and adjust my plans around life.
What lifestyle changes do you want to make today? Share with me in the comments below.